Following an abortion many women become very angry. The anger can be expressed both externally and internally. Often the expressed external anger is misdirected and children within the family can be the main recipients of such anger, especially as they would not initially be in a position to answer back or stand up for themselves, although this may change once they become teenagers.
Many relationships break up following an abortion especially if the mother of the aborted child is blaming the father, whether or not they are married. Many women do not realise why they are so angry, especially if they think they made the 'right choice'. The anger though could be due to them hating what they did and realising that they should have been stronger instead of allowing others to direct them into doing something they inherently knew was wrong.
The anger is then directed towards themselves for causing their own pain. As part of their 'punishment' that they subconsciously or consciously feel they deserve, they become angry with all those around them. It is so much easier for a mother to harm her living children once she has already killed an unborn child through abortion. By harming her living children it endorses to all around her what an awful mother she must really be - how could any 'good' mother harm her own baby, let alone kill him or her. Yet this is what she has done.
Another reason the anger may be expressed is that she chose to have her living children and therefore they should live up to her (subconscious or conscious) expectations of being the 'perfect' child. When the child behaves in such a way that doesn't meet that standard, then her anger can be portrayed by violence towards the child - maybe the child she had killed through abortion would have been better than this one?
Could this be the reason why so many women advocate abortion for others? They are still walking through their own denial, pain, and anger and subconsciously want others to feel the same pain. Nobody shielded them from the pain of killing a child by abortion so why should they tell others? Their hearts seem to have become so hardened towards everyone that they have to justify their actions of killing their child by abortion by saying that others should be allowed to have access to the same procedures. Their own anger prevents them from acknowledging their own pain and wrong-doing.
The anger within can simmer beneath the surface for many weeks, months or even years before finally being released in a great torrent, or it could be a daily or weekly occurrence triggered by something seemingly insignificant. Some women are so scared of showing their anger to friends and associates that it is only their immediate family who ever sees it manifest.
There are many forms the anger may take and towards many people whether or not they knew about her actions:
- Her husband or partner
- Her living children - even if they were born after the abortion
- Her parents and wider family
- Her work colleagues
- Her doctor and/or any other person she has contact with in the medical profession
- Her friends
- Her church minister and wider church family
If she can prove to each and every person that she really is a horrible person who has no right to be a mother then she may feel justified, but deep down she knows that ultimately the decision was hers. Her 'knight in white armour' failed to protect her and save her unborn baby and she is so angry that her life has been ruined.
When God created man and woman he didn't create two equal human beings. He created man and woman to be compatible with each other and for the man to be the stronger of the two, knowing that the woman needed protecting and looking after. The man is, or should be, the head of the family and Christ (in a Christian family) is the head of the man. The love and support a pregnant woman needs is love that will support and care for her and her child's well being. When this is not forthcoming and she is allowed to kill the child within her body, then the anger of being let down is understandable. It is not the way it was meant to be.
Sadly, this is the point where she may begin to drink, take drugs or self harm in other ways, to dull the pain and the anger that she feels within. Her living children may be taken away into foster care, especially if the relationship with the father of the aborted child has finished. She may seek solace in further relationships, but the anger or self loathing towards herself is still there and subsequent relationships finish, thus endorsing her own view of how unlovable she is.
Without proper help from those who understand the dynamics of Post Abortion Syndrome this could be the time when she may exhibit forms of extreme behaviour.
Please visit our Healing page if you have had an abortion or supported someone who has.
If you have had an abortion and would like to contact us, in confidence,
Grace at United for Life.