Since time began fathers have always been the God ordained head of the household providing for all the needs of his family; spiritual, physical and emotional. As head of the family he would ensure his family were fed, clothed, had shelter and were protected from all harm. He knew that his responsibility to his family was one of provider and he undertook this role naturally and without question. Equally, other members of the family also knew that this was the role of the father and they responded accordingly to his role. Mothers knew their role was to bring up the children, teaching them all she knew. Her daughters were taught how to look after their future husbands and children and the sons, once old enough, would follow in the footsteps of their fathers, learning the same responsibilities that he was undertaking. Men and women were complimentary to each other, not equal.
What a contrast to today's fathers. For many their roles have become so vague that often fathers are left wondering precisely what it is they are supposed to do. In some families the roles have even been reversed - the father stays at home with the children while their mother goes out to work. This may be due to the vast areas of the nation where traditional heavy manual work has closed and unemployment is so high that only the mother can find employment. Society today says that men and women are equal, not complimentary, and so women seek jobs that would traditionally be done only by men. Women, in their desire to be 'equal' have actually lost their femininity, whilst men at the same time have become emasculated. This role reversal is confusing for the children of the family. Boys are no longer allowed to be 'boys' and girls are no longer allowed to be 'girls'. Instead everyone has to be 'equal'.
Yet this equality actually doesn't extend to the men should they find out that they are fathers. Even if married, a man has no say in whether or not his child will be allowed to be born. It is the woman's 'choice' and the man has no say in the decision. If the child's mother decides that that particular pregnancy is not convenient at that particular time of her life, then she is able to kill the child by abortion even if the father wants the child to be born. A father can no longer protect his own children from the harm that he knows is about to happen. The law courts of the land support the mother in killing their child.
A slogan that is often used is 'every child a wanted child' by those who support the killing of children by abortion. But again equality of choice doesn't happen because a father may want his child to be born but unless the mother 'wants' the child s/he is classified as 'unwanted' and is disposed of. How many men are suffering because their child was killed by abortion against their wishes? Society remains in denial towards the pain of these fathers and expects them to behave as if nothing has happened. But they know they are fathers of dead children whom they were unable to protect.
A man is also often denied custody of his children should his wife/partner decide she no longer wishes to remain with him. Again, the father is denied his natural role of caring and providing for his children.
The number of men who are now in the position of not caring and providing for his family is growing daily and more often than not, he has no voice to state his case. This unsurprisingly can lead to him feeling frustrated, bitter and angry. He could also subconsciously become scared to enter into further relationships knowing that they too could break down and he would loose his 'family' again.
Fathers need to find their natural role in life again, as do mothers. Instead of governments encouraging more and more day care and nurseries for children to be looked after by other people, they should instead divert those resources to enable mothers to remain at home and bring up their own children while the father is paid a living wage to enable him to support, provide for and protect his own family.
Until that time takes place many fathers will be in the unfortunate position of not being able to be fathers to their own children with all the pain and anguish that goes with it.
Please visit our Healing page if you have had an abortion or supported someone who has.
If you have had an abortion and would like to contact us, in confidence,
Grace at United for Life.